Sharp (thesharp) wrote,

ну извините.

1) On memorial day an old fighter ace is invited to a kindergarten. Kids ask him how many planes he shot down. He says: — Well, one day during the Battle of Britain saw a bunch of fockers in the skies. The first foсker came at me out of the sun, but I out maneuvered him and blasted him down. A second foсker came at me from below, but I looped behind him and gunned the foсker down as well. A third foсker saw this and tried to retreat into the clouds, but… The teacher jumps in: — Children, before the story continues, you have to learn that Focker is the type of plane German air force used to fly during World War II. Pilot: — Yeah, that’s right. But them particular fockers were flying Messerschmitts.

2) — Excuse me, why do you call your skirt "a kilt"?
— AAARGH!! Cauze helluva people got killt for calling it "skirt"!!

3) — boy, I need some onion
— sorry, mam, we don't have onion at the moment
— I don't care, I need some onion
— but mam, we don't have onion in the market right now
— you don't understand me, I need some onion
— well, mam, lets check your english. How many letters "p" in the word "apple"?
— two
— right, mam. and how many letters "t" in the word "letter"?
— two
— right mam. and how many "fuck" in the word "onion"?
— but there is no "fuck" in "onion"
— right, mam, there is no fucking onion

4) What does the Star Ship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They circle around Uranus wiping out Klingons.

5) A chinese guy,a white guy, and a black guy all get a job at the same place. The boss comes out and says,"i`m leaving for awile,and when i get back i want to see this place swept, and that pile of dirt out front shoveled and in five diffrent piles."

So he tells the white guy, "you are in charge of sweeping."

He tells the black guy,"your in charge of shoveling."

And finally he tells the cinese guy, "your in charge of the supplies."

He leaves and comes back in about three hours and sees nothing done. So he asked the white guy,"why didn`t you do anything?" he replies,"i would have but the chinese guy didn`t give me a broom." So he askes the black guy,"why haven`t you done anything?" he also replies,"the chinese guy didn`t give me a shovel." so he goes to look for the chinese guy, but he couldn`t find him.

Finally he walks over to the pile of dirt and the chinese guy pops out and yells: "SUPPLIES!"
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